Happy and Blessed Valentines day to all; a day to remember the importance of LOVE. Well these thoughts have been on my mind and heart. It is so hard for a caregiver like myself to not be dependable for anything.
The dictionary says that: de⋅pend⋅a⋅ble: Show Spelled Pronunciation [di-pen-duh-buhl] –adjective capable of being depended on; worthy of trust; reliable: a dependable employee.
I hate being unstable like this. I never know what each moment holds being like this; being a person of illness. Never knowing how much pain I will be in; especially if I over do it. I can't have too many things planned. People say they understand.
People say it is okay.
People expect.......
Yet, here I am in bed, in pain because I knew two events in one weekend would be too much; and to think I missed out on one. Shoot I didn't even spend time with my best friend and family for my birthday because I knew I could not do it. It took me to the last minute to admit it but, I can't be me as I used too be.
This is why I think today is even more important just to share these feeling a day in which commercially we celebrate love, as Christians we read the story of Transfiguration in preparation of this Lenten journey. Today I am thinking about a lot of things but mostly about process and the journey of change. Even this not being able to be the kind of caretaker I am used to is part of the process. God is once again teaching me a new way of doing things, a new way of living as He would want even with Chronic Illness.
It is not easy but I guess as a Christian I get ready for this Lenten season I must remember that it only matters what my Creator thinks of the choices I make. Am I being faithful to my time with him? Am I being dependable in my duty to feed my spirit? Well, this is what I am chewing on and what I will be praying about this Lenten season is my Father in Heaven pleased with me!!!!! Much love to all continue this journey..........
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