In a Process of recovery on Gods' time.

Sometimes I think we just need to take time to process things.  I have a strong belief in my Savior but I am not the one in control.  Yesterday,  At St. Paul's Baptist Church,  Rev. Leslie Callahan confirmed that restlessness in my Spirit that I am not the one in control.  That yes I have continue to Press on, to Trust in the Lord to wait because although this injury happened on July 28, 2009 it is healing past wounds which I didn't even realize needed healing and so for me this means I am in a Process of recovery.
According to Wikipedia which was accessed {en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recovery } this morning states that RECOVERY is:  

Healing is the act or process of curing or of restoring to health.[1] Assessed physically, healing is the process by which the cells in the body regenerate and repair to reduce the size of a damaged or necrotic area. Healing incorporates both the removal of necrotic tissue (demolition), and the replacement of this tissue.The replacement can happen in two ways: [1]by regeneration: the necrotic cells are replaced by the same tissue as was originally there.[2] by repair: injured tissue is replaced with scar tissue.

Of course we all walk away with the message that we need to hear but I believe the message was clear and realistic for me.  IThere are things that need to replaced, repaired and some things removed for Gods' will to be done.  My thoughts this week and especially after church brought to mine the Psalm of these last 6 months and maybe my personal Christian walk.  Which is: Psalm 30:1-5 New Revised Standard Version

I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up, and did not let my foes rejoice over me. O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. O LORD, you brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit. Sing praises to the LORD, O you his faithful ones, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment; his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

My reality, the truth for me is......I feel the pressure of society, my success within my  demonination, pressures in our marriage especially financially, etc... because of my own injury and current state of health.  I was foolish enough to think that I was done once I  finished seminary and becameReverend Yana Janiese Pagan.  Then I got this great job with this awesome company and after two months after my fractured coccyx; I realized I could not for health reasons continue with them.  It is hard because in a few weeks I will be 34 and I thought I should have it all figured out but if life is a process.  So why should I be discouraged, why should the Shadows come when Jesus is my portion and constan friend and I should always be in process of transfomation.  One thing I am learning in a new and different way is that I cannot do it alone; and I knew this but at the moment I am learning it in a different way.  Because especially dealing with Chronic pain and personal illness it is so much easier just to be alone in it all.    I think that is where I sin because it is my belief that God created us to be in relationship.  But when your feeling your worst not everyone wants to hear or deal with our realities.  And, as a pastor people have expections that I cannot humanly fulfill. 

We are all living in a time where we need to remember that weeping may linger for the night but JOY does come in the morning.  For me it is also moments like this when I surrender to the process and trust that God wants the best for me.  Yeah, I am tired from the journey.  Yes, it feels like suffering and struggling again!  Yet, I know in whom I believe and who I am in my Creator.  And, the Lord ain't finished with this shorty any time soon.  Because I know that my life is a miracle, a living testimony.... I am not a statistic, I am no longer a high school drop out, I am not dead and I have greater dreams than living to see my eighteenth birthday. 

This process even with this illness is in Gods' care and he is in control and I would not change a thing but wish that I wouldn't always be so stubborn.  Surrendering to God's timing and will is much easier than my way.  Espcially on my gloomy days.  But again God is not finished with me yet and it is a process; no Drive thru here!!!!!  

So to you that I share my intimate thoughts with be encouraged because we are strong; we will survive and if we lean on God he will be Faithful even when we are NOT.  The Joy of the Lord is OUR STRENGTH!!!!